Cleaning my Slate

Here I find myself yet again laying down at four in the morning. No sleep to be found. No peace to...

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 03:51:59 -0400

Here I find myself yet again laying down at four in the morning. No sleep to be found. No peace to be found. Just constant mental pacing. Back and forth. Back and forth. Between point A and point B. What do I do about something that affects the biggest part of my life, a part I have no control over? Should I do something? Should I try? If so, what the fuck is it. I’d like to know because the constant lingerance and back tracking will eventually drive me straight to the brink of insanity. But will insanity give me a different perspective? A better one? A worse one? Question after question after question. Night after night after night. And where have I gone? What progress through this fucking maze have I made.. None. Everyday for me is a struggle now. Whether it’s to keep up with the happenings at home, the fighting and drama that I thought I escaped from in High School. If anything it’s flying at me too fast to even understand why, or where it came from. I feel the need now to be around others. If I’m alone, my thoughts grow louder and my troubles grow stronger. I’m forced to think, think about what I have done in the past; the people I’ve wronged, the horrible things I’ve seen and done, all the regrets, the roads avoided.. I find myself trapped. Alone. That’s the worst part. I’m alone. And I hate it. I hate the feeling I have when I’m alone now. It’s all I can think about, all I dwell on. Lonliness.. I wonder just how much longer I can handle being alone before something happens. I don’t know quite what, but something. This should back up what I’m saying.. I’m finding comfort in typing words onto a fucking computer screen to NOBODY. Well.. It’s late, or early, either way.. I’m going to try and sleep.. Definitely will be making this another frequent online visit..

Been having weird dreams lately. Had one last night that legitimately disturbed me :/ Hoping I...

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:53:45 -0500

Been having weird dreams lately. Had one last night that legitimately disturbed me :/ Hoping I don’t have another one tonight.. But other then that been feeling pretty good lately. Hopefully things work out for the better :)

I'm back

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:11:40 -0500

It’s been way too long Tumblr. 5 months? D’ohhh yes.

Beware the stare of Mary Shaw, She had no children only dolls. And if you ever see her in your...

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 00:18:14 -0400

Beware the stare of Mary Shaw,

She had no children only dolls.

And if you ever see her in your dreams,

Be sure you never ever scream.

Dead Silence is probably one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen in my life, but so so so good. I could get used to weekly horror movie marathons.

You are a hypocritical, using, no good piece of fucking trash. Choke on your own shit and die a long...

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 00:36:56 -0400

You are a hypocritical, using, no good piece of fucking trash. Choke on your own shit and die a long death.

My friend Ariana died a few days ago :/ No idea how, no idea why but it makes me realize how short...

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 14:59:14 -0400

My friend Ariana died a few days ago :/ No idea how, no idea why but it makes me realize how short life can be. She wasn’t even 21 and she had her life taken away from her. RIP Ariana :/ :(

I have discovered a hidden appreciation for Eminem’s rapping, awesome music. Wrong about rap...

Sun, 28 Aug 2011 00:10:36 -0400

I have discovered a hidden appreciation for Eminem’s rapping, awesome music. Wrong about rap :) at least some of it

I love it when boyfriends don’t let their girlfriends talk to me, lets me know I’m a...

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 14:35:41 -0400

I love it when boyfriends don’t let their girlfriends talk to me, lets me know I’m a threat to them -__- Fucking retards

So glad I did that :)

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 01:18:14 -0400

Hope this doesn't come out sounding stupid

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 01:47:08 -0400

Why? This is why I don’t believe. This is why I...

Wed, 17 Aug 2011 23:03:01 -0400

Why? This is why I don’t believe. This is why I don’t have faith. Some people make me sick to my stomach. You go to a soldier’s funeral. A soldier who faught and died for YOUR right to have your religions and your beliefs. To have the freedom to do what you please and have faith. But you take the rights he gave his life for and used them against him. Against his family. “God hates fags”. “America is doomed”. “Thank god for dead soldiers”. You make me sick. You fanatical lunatics make me lose faith in people. You say that people who love America, love their country and support the men and women who fight and die to preserve our great country. This country is still amazing, the best in the world, best since 1776. It’s people like you that taint it and cause others to see us as a group of radicals. Of people who support biggotry and prejudice. Jesus Christ was a real person, and even though he wasn’t the son of God. He taught how to respect others. I’m not religious, I don’t associate with religion but I do associate with respecting others. Accepting people for who they are and where they come from. I lived the life of hate and prejudice. Looking at people and judging them before I know them. It isn’t pleasant. I got out of it. Stopped believing and started seeing life. Looking at things. But there are still others, people like you.. Religion is poison.

Came to a realization today. Instead of wollowing in my own misery about how im wasting away my...

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 16:32:44 -0400

Came to a realization today. Instead of wollowing in my own misery about how im wasting away my summer, and instead of letting all my emotions pile up I’ll actually open up. Whenever I have a feeling about someone I’ll let them know it. Tomorrow I will not sleep in until 2 in the afternoon, I’m setting an alarm for 10am and I’m getting out by 11 and getting a birthday card and spending the whole day out of my house. I am doing the same thing the rest of the summer. I’m not happy with how I’m living so I’m going to take more chances, seize oppurtunities as they arise and not let any shot at happiness slip through my fingers. New me sounds goooood :)

Shitttty poetry #2 one of many ways ill let it out

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 02:12:51 -0400

There are times when I have to let these feelings out

Times when it’s all I think about

Sitting thinking and pondering

These thoughts keep me wondering

What if I said it?

Would I love it?

Or would I regret it?

One of these days it will all come out

All let out

Only then will i know how it feels

To feel something that doesnt hurt, but heals

Scars from a broken man

Feeling as part of some plan

A plan?

Affected by whose hand?

Yours? Mine? Nobody knows

But all that I know

Is that one day I will lose control

And just let these emotions go

I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 14:12:22 -0400

I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. STOP LOOKING AT MY GOD DAMN FACEBOOOK THERE IS A REASON I BLOCKED YOU. I DONT WANT YOU KNOWING WHAT IM DOING AND KNOWING WHO I AM NOW. IM A NEW PERSON AND A BETTER PERSON THEN THE ONE YOU KNEW. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. THE SIGHT OF YOUR FACE MAKES ME PHYSICALLY SICK TO MY STOMACH. JUST KNOWING THAT YOU THINK YOU WILL GET AWAY WITH WHAT YOU FUCKING DID MAKES ME ANGRY BEYOND WORDS. I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. I CARE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE. NOT YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU. ALL THE ENERGY I HAVEN’T DEVOTED TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. GOES 100% INTO MY UNDYING HATRED FOR YOU, YOU NO GOOD CHEATING USING LYING WHORING PIECE OF WORTHLESS SHIT.

All better now.

“These ideas are nightmares, for white parents whose worst fear, is a child with dyed...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 00:44:40 -0400

“These ideas are nightmares,

for white parents whose worst fear,

is a child with dyed hair,

and who likes ear rings”

For some reason those song lyrics just stick to me. Everytime I hear this song and those lyrics it sends chills up my spine. Because it’s true. Parents these days are scared. Scared of having a kid that’s different. Fathers impregnate mothers, then realize the shit they got into and leave and never show the courtesy of a check in the mail. They don’t know the effect that they have on that kid that they had, with the mom that they met at a party who they barely know. Never knows the joy of seeing a seed grow and flourish into a young adult. Parents want their kids grown up to be just like them, no different in anyway. But when they do that, they have a child who doesn’t know who he is, with no control over what he does or where he goes. No idea what to do with any shred of independence, when he’s free he turns to the only thing he really knows. Himself, inside his mind is a sanctum; a safe haven, the only safe home he’s ever known. His mom raising him single, with no help or aid from anybody. These things are too common in the world today but hopefully soon these things go away.

"Opportunities multiply as they are seized"

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 00:01:59 -0400

“Opportunities multiply as they are seized”

- Sun Tzu

Ok… Just looked at a huge list with a shitload of upcoming movies that are coming out sometime...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 00:14:45 -0400

Ok… Just looked at a huge list with a shitload of upcoming movies that are coming out sometime between now and around 2016ish. Quite a few that are based of video games; Kane and Lynch, Metal Gear Solid, Halo etc. But there were a few that caught my interest. Including a alot of super hero movie sequels like my personal favorite, The Amazing Spiderman :)! It made number 3 on the list of a 110! YES! There is a Ghost Rider sequel which will suck, a Daredevil one which will suck, another Superman one which looks cool, Wonder Woman which could suck or could be wicked good, Green Lantern 2 which will probably suck ass and a few others from Marvel and DC. A few horror movies remakes and sequels; another Ring movie in 3D, a remake of Nightmare on Elm Street 2, a sequel to the remake of Halloween which BETTER BE GOOD cuz those are my favorite, two remakes of the Independence day movies and a few others. A couple other random ones but one that caught my eye for some reason was a remake of The Neverending Story. AND one Im kinda stoked for because it looks like they will make it good, they are remaking The Crow except Bradley Cooper (Phil from the Hangover) will be playing the part of the Crow.

http://www.imdb.com/list/kdI4om9tEyg/?start=1&view=detail&sort=listorian:asc

Link to the page, its got the full list of 110 :)

YES.

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 23:54:00 -0400

YES.

"I’d rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I’m not."

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 22:59:54 -0400

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I’m not.”

- Kurt Cobain

Shitty poetry lol i tried

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 14:13:43 -0400

My time keeps ticking

The clock next to my bed keeps clicking

Birds outside singing

But my damn phone keeps ringing

The same name everytime

I just want to fuckin go hide

Im hearin people so oh its okay

Well no its not, but hopefully it will be that way

Someday, someday I hope this goes away

Never to be seen again,

Heard again,

Never to be known again,

It needs to start melting down

Down and down

From the high sky into the ground

Through the dirt, the rock and sand

Down below the affect of a human hand

Into the earth, the world

Watching as its swirled and whirled,

Spun, chucked and twirled

From my narrow sights,

I have no frights

None of this world or the next,

I know what to expect

A life long struggle for happiness

But its all begun and cant stop i guess

Out of all the confusion

Comes a clear allusion

One of promise and comfort

The only one able to reach my heart

From all the feelings I endure

I know I dont want these to end,

that’s for sure.